Thursday, July 25, 2013

Some shut eye please

One of my biggest frustrations in life is that I never really get enough sleep. I may lie in bed for a long time, but I just can't sleep straight, if you know what I mean. I get woken up easily by any noise or even lights. I cannot sleep with lights on, plus, if it's too hot...Sigh.

I know, I know, it doesn't seem like a big problem but you know, when you do not get enough sleep, it's like your body morphs into something else. Like, when you wake up in the morning, you just feel soooooo tired, you don't even want to get up.

I think it also has something to do with thinking too much. Like, you plan what you're gonna do the next day, what books you'll read, etcetera, etcetera.

Speaking of which, I've so many more books to read soon. Plus, stories to write, and some article writing to do. Oh, and that 100 names list...

So many things, so little time!

Still, you couldn't help but be bored some days.

Monday, July 22, 2013


Fourteen months.
426 days.
10,226 hours.

Our love.
It's big.
It's complicated.
It's fragile.
Too many details. There are too many details.

Fractions of us.
You, Me.
This love.
It's bigger than us.
Bigger than the sum of our parts.

Some days it seems small.
Some days it can't be seen at all.
Some days it's hard.
Some days it doesn't seem to be.

Our love.
You and Me.

Let's bright it back to where it started.
Forget the hurt, forget the hate.
Collide, let's collide.
You and I.

Our love.

Fights, yelling, endless banter.
End it, end it, that's what we say.
Yet we stick together.
Like glue, like Velcro.

We're scared, we're scarred.
We both are.
Yet here we are.
You and I.

Fourteen months.
426 days.
You, and I.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Just a survey...(I'm obviously bored, thank you)

1. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not really
2. Do you drink enough water? Not really
3. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Omygod it's been too long 
4. Do you prefer the beach or the mountains? the beach 
5. How do you usually feel when you wake up on a morning? wanting to go back to sleep
6. Would you rather take someone on a date, or be taken on a date? be taken on a date, def. 
7. When was the last time you wore high heeled shoes? some few weeks back
8. Vodka or wine? wine
9. How often do you cry? haha i'm not gonna answer no 
10. Ever had a crush on a teacher?  OH YES. 
11. Can you wire a plug? huh? 
12. Do you wear socks to bed? nope
13. What is currently bugging you? so many things 
14. Where were you when you got your first period? I was in school, I think. I was like, 12 then. 
15. Can you change a car tire? nope
16. Have you met more than ten celebrities? hmmm yeah 
17. Do you sleep naked?  haha well there are times... 
18. What was the best music gig you’ve ever attended? David and David concert back in '09
19. Have you ever had sexual feelings for anyone you follow? haha no
20. Do you think Benedict Cumberbatch is hot? not a fan
21. Favourite Disney princess? Cinderella and Ariel
22. Favourite city? NYC;  Savannah, Georgia
23. Can you drive? no :(
24. Cigarettes or alcohol?  my god the last time I drank alcohol i was sooo wasted so none
25. Excercise or healthy eating? healthy eating 
26. Favourite and least favourite accents? i love Irish, Aussie, Brit, Least? None really
27. What are you looking forward to? hmm....
28. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? no idea what that is 

Life. Death.

Death is not the absence of life. Death, is being alive, and not feeling that you are.

Death is the loss of yourself;

Death is when you no longer no who you are, what you were.

We live a thousand lives; We die a thousand deaths.

Life is a series of moments. Stories. Moments that we capture, and that we forgot to capture.

Life is the sum of many small lives.

Life and death.

Death and life.


I just felt like looking at some of my old tumblr posts and writing something about the photos in them. Whatever. 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Anxious. Sundays are not my thing, really...

So yesterday He and I went to Antipolo and visited my brothers. It was quite a nice afternoon, and I just had to take a picture of the Antipolo skyline and those flowers in our front yard. It's been more than a month since I visited so...


Anyway...Sundays always make me anxious, for some reason. I guess I'm just not into the whole thing. Whatever that means.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Battling Addictions.

Death by an addiction could really be a big eye-opener.

An addiction is an addiction. No, I do not stand by it, but I understand. There are some people who are lucky enough not to delve into those things, who are probably so normal they don't want anything to do with shit like this. But the thing is, there are some of us who have issues that we have to deal with.There are some of us who are always trying to find ways to escape because...because life is not really a bed of roses--especially if it never has been.

I for one have my own demons to battle. Self-harm, prescription drug abuse, depression...I've gone through this and it's not so easy to just say, "Hey, I'm stopping, I'm not doing this anymore." You can't just decide on those things in a snap. You have to go through it everyday, until you get better. You have to surround yourself with people who understand you, who would not judge you, but won't let you go over the edge. You have to have control. And sometimes, it's hard.

Cory's death is an eye-opener. And even if he died the way he did, you have to give respect to the man because he did his best. It's just that sometimes...we give in to our demons and we let those demons have the best of us. But that does not change the fact that he was a good man. And this goes for everyone who have had an addiction--whatever it is.

Everyday, you have to try to be strong. Everyday, you have to learn how to try to be in other people's shoes because you can never judge. You can't even go and give advice when you're not being asked. You have to try your best to not let the addictions go worse.

Try, try, try. Everyday is a new day.
for the rest of your life..

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Sleep is for the weak

I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I can't sleep, I can't eat much. Sometimes I'd rather not eat, and when I get so hungry and grab something to eat, I end up throwing up...No, not on purpose. I also have these terrible headaches and these backpains, oh my god, they're killin' me. Signs of aging, eh? I really just haven't been feeling like myself lately...


You know, sometimes I think that it's really pointless to fight for something that you know will just backfire. It's frustrating to voice out your opinions, to stand by people when they're hurting and then when they're okay, JUST LIKE THAT, it's like, your opinions, your pain did not matter anymore. I've been on the losing end of this so many times so it's just...freaking frustrating. Again, the non-perks of caring too much.


A few days ago, I read a horoscope of mine that says that "You had your reasons. Don't question what you have or where you are now". And I know, I did, it's just that sometimes...Oh well...


Anyway...I brought some stuff today, nail-art and all that. Cheers? :)

Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Aftermath.

Pointless is when you no longer see things the same way.
Pointless is when you feel like you have so much to say, but nothing could be said.
Pointless is thinking too much.
Pointless is not thinking at all.
Pointless is feeling this...pull of emotions.
What's pointless?

Don't ask me why I wrote that,  I've just been feeling too much recently, and I have no idea how to put it out. Anyway, even if that's the case, Cory's death is still embedded in my mind. It's like...losing someone so close to you and it's just so hard.

Reasons why it's so hard to accept this:

1. Because, well, he was a big part of my everyday life, especially back in 2010 when I first failed at "the real world" and all I had was Glee, twitter and my brothers watching the episodes with me. I wasn't Finn's biggest fan, but I always respected Cory and it's just...surreal.
2. Lea Michele. If this is already hard on me, on us fans, then how do you think Lea is feeling? I just can't imagine.
3. Because, he has this whole life ahead of him and you could only imagine how great his life would've been if only this did not happen. On second thoughts, maybe, this was meant to happen because life wouldn't be as great as it is, as it was.
4. Because it gets you thinking, Like, a guy who has basically everything in the world still has some issues of his own. A guy who's genuine and good still had some insecurities and sometimes, that overshadows the love. And it's sad.
5. Demi's right when she said that recovery is not a one time thing--you have to go through it every single day, and you have to surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. One wwrong move and voila...
6. Because life will never be the same again. And I'm sure you Gleeks would agree.


Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that it doesn’t get a day off. --Demi Lovato

Oh take me back to the start.

Today is a sad day.
Today, a lot of people have been heartbroken.
I myself am heartbroken.

Cory Monteith is someone who has been part of my life for the past four years. He has been part of every Gleeks' households for the past four years. That's why, I think, mourning for him is something that comes so naturally for us. That's why, when I went online today, there were a couple of tweets and messages about Cory's death. Because, right now, we Gleeks are a family more than ever. Because right now, this pain we feel is just too real.

I can't even imagine the pain that Lea is feeling. I can't even imagine how heartbroken she must be, to be dealing with this, when she had this whole life with Cory to think about. I can't imagine how the cast must be feeling, because they worked together for so long and I guess, they're all attached to each other already. If we, the viewers are, how could they not be?

Today is a sad day.

Sooner or later, we'll move on from this news. It won't hurt as much as it does right now, at this moment. We'll know how to deal. But, for now, let's not pretend that we're not lonely, that we're not affected, that this news is just another news. Because it's not. Because it's sad and heartbreaking and the pain is unimaginable.

Gleeks, here's a hug for all of you. Thank you for understanding, and thanks because today, there are no ship wars, no divisions. Thanks for being one.

To everyone else, I ask you to please respect everyone who's in mourning right now. No trolling, no bashing.

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard."
RIP Cory Monteith
May 11, 1982- July 13, 2013
Fly in Peace. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Quirky, Odd, Weird Me

Bored, bored and wanting to write so... Here's a list of some of the weird things I do, like, don't like or whatever: 

1. I can't stand ketchup. I seriously can't. Even just the smell kills me.
2. I talk to myself, like, a lot. 
3. Sometimes, I conduct interviews of myself with myself. Haha. I don't know, I just like doing that. Sometimes, I write those Q and A's, but sometimes, when I'm alone, I just blurt everything out.
4. I can't stand people who are like...hmm...How do I put this, when they feel that they're already close to you just after a second or so, you know what I mean? And like, they borrow everything you have or whatever, all the time. It's annoying.
5. I can't sleep with the lights on. It's just too hot.
6. I like splashing myself with water more often than not. Again, I get hot easily so...
7. I create lists like this. Tee-Hee.
8. I make collages about anything and everything under the sun. 
9. I sing. Like, a lot.
10. My mind just NEVER stops thinking. Like, I'm doing something and my mind just drifts away to something else. There's only one place that sort of calms me and that's...oops, I won't tell.
11. I tweet a lot.
12. I always, always have to have lots of tabs open when I'm online coz I get bored so easily.
13. I hate it when people shout.
14. I love cats. Kittens. Dogs. Fishes. Any animal except for snakes and rats.
15. I am seriously nostalgic most of the time.
16. I have a few close friends and lots of acquaintances because I'm really choosy with the people I allow close to my heart.
17. I'm cray cray you have no idea.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Everywhere I am

"Everywhere I am, I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else." Angelina Jolie said once upon a time. And I can't deny that I feel the same way. 6 months ago, I left the place I've lived in for more than half a decade. And now, I feel I have to be somewhere else again. Where? I have no idea. It's just...
I don't know. It's like, you can only have some good in the beginning and then poof. All your old issues resonate again.
It's just tiring. My mind is tiring.