Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Too Much to Ask


When you were old enough to understand the harsh realities of life, you realized that losses were inevitable. You can love someone or something and in an instant, they could be taken away from you.

Then you grow up, grow old, and the losses just keep on happening. They keep on happening that you begin to question what is it that you did wrong. You question why the universe is keen on taking what you love away from you, when you know you have taken care of them with all your heart, and that you did everything you can to keep them safe; protected.

There comes a point when you have already cried too many tears for all your losses that when another one happens, you tend to lose the ability to cry—but you do not lose the ability to hurt. You hurt so bad that you just want the world to stop. You hurt so bad that you try to replay the situation in your head to justify it; try to see how is that that within seconds, you could lose something you love when things seemed normal; fine; going well.

You want the pain to stop but you have no idea how.

You want to keep on hoping that this won’t happen again, but you’re scared now.


Maybe, there really comes a time when you don’t want losses to happen anymore—even though that seems impossible.

But is it too much to ask the world to just be sane for you, even for a while? For the heartbreaks to stop? For the hurt not to linger?

Is it too much?



“Sometimes I think the human heart is just a simple shelf. There is only so much you can pile onto it before something falls off an edge and you are left to pick up the pieces.”
Jodi Picoult, House Rules

Saturday, May 21, 2016




For four years I’ve wondered what it would be like to share my life with someone again. There were many mishaps; many misshapen turns. I. I have crashed and burned so many times. I have fallen hard, and realized that skinned knees were better than broken hearts; that love doesn’t come easy; that just because you think you feel something does not mean the other person feels it, too.

I was deadest on spending the rest of my life alone. I was fine with it. I was tired. To be honest, I did not think much of you before—then you came crashing back into my life, and changed it in more ways than one. From Clementine erasing Joel from her mind, Elvis and Anabelle saving each other, to reading that shady, crazy book—we shared the most profound memories; we laughed, had adventures, started something—whatever it was. Because really, it didn’t have a name for a while. But that didn’t matter.

You often told me how much you loved me. You wrote poems and musings that no one ever did for me, and it scared me. It scared me because I knew that if I gave my heart away, I would give all of it.

But isn’t that what love’s supposed to be about? Or so they say.

For years, I thought life was just going to be the way it was—mornings spent alone, watching endless movies and television shows, going to bed late, late at night with no hand to hold.

I was filled with lies, and I consumed them. I lived in them. I became a huge walking lie until one day, we both decided it had to end. It was not easy, but it was our choice.

It was far, far from my fairytale. But it was our story. And I liked it that way.


We had fun—and that would be an understatement.

Late nights in the city, the rain on our faces, our bodies drenched but our hearts happy. Days walking in the park, under the trees, under the stars. All those dreams we shared. All the memories we made.

I was so used to being alone, but then I realized there’s warmth that stuffed bears and bunnies wouldn’t give. There’s a certain kind of happiness that comes from laying next to the one you love, even when you just hold hands and listen to your own breaths; the kind that makes you want to stay in bed. The kind that makes you realize what home is.

They say that when love is good, it is magic. And it’s true: days become better, nights no longer feel lonely. You have someone who’s your other half, not because both of you are broken, but because you’re whole enough to share your life with someone else. And that in itself is magical—more than any other magic can bring.

We built our own furry family, we tried to enjoy life with whatever we had.

We were living our life, and we thought that was enough.


There comes a time in relationships when you begin to question things. You wonder who started it all; you wonder if it matters; you wonder if this is what it’s supposed to be. It happens. It cannot be helped.

I was used to being alone, so I had to struggle being surrounded by people all the time. At times you think I didn’t try. But I did. But like most of the things in my life, it just wouldn’t fit. But you did, no matter how different we are—and would always be. Some things just would not change.

From all our happy days stemmed days when fights and arguments became prevalent. When tears do not seem enough to convey the pain; when shouts and screams don’t seem enough to end the noise inside.

There are days when I know we’re both confused. Is it possible that you still love each other when there are days that you just want to end it? Or is it just in your head?

They say that love is not always enough. And it’s true.

Love isn’t always enough to cover certain things that hurt. Love is not always enough to let each day pass by.

But then again…do you really wish for the alternative?


Four years tomorrow. Four years now.

Sometimes, you do not even feel the years anymore.

Nothing is perfect, of this I am sure.

Sometimes, I would sit and wonder exactly when things have changed, because I know I have. And you have, too. It makes me wonder about that first year, when we were both so positive; when no matter how I’ve seen the harsh realities of life, my idealism was still there.

You often tell me that you miss that person; the person I used to be.

What I don’t tell you is that I miss the part of the person you were, too. What I don’t tell you is that I miss the person I’ve been, too. I don’t know where she went, but I believe she’s still there.

I miss who we’ve been.

Because relationships are one thing—but love is another.


Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, they say. So take my hand. Let’s not fail.



Thursday, May 19, 2016

Ariana Grande: Dangerous Woman | Album Review


It’s here! It’s finally here! Ariana Grande’s latest offering, DANGEROUS WOMAN is here and of course, I’m listening. Let me take you through some of the songs—MY FAVE ONES, and how I feel about the album. But on second thoughts, scrap that—I’m going to tell you how I feel about the album now. I feel so good about it because it’s just SO. GOOD. (I sound so redundant, but whatever—it’s really amazing. Probably her best so far.)

See, DANGEROUS WOMAN (as tacky the title sounds) actually shows a different side of Ariana—a sexy, strong, grown woman—who’s also still trying to find her way, just like the rest of us. If I’m not mistaken, this was written after a breakup—so you can really feel that the songs mean so much to her, and perhaps, there’s one (or a couple) of those songs that you’ll be able to relate to.

Speaking of which, here are my favorite tracks from the album:

Track 1: Moonlight

He’s holding me tight | and he calls me Moonlight

Ahhh, this is just so beautiful! So perfect—it has that utterly romantic vibe. It’s the kind of song you’d play while reflecting alone at night—or with someone you love.

Track 6: Let Me Love You (ft Li’l Wayne)

I just broke up with my ex
Now I’m out here single, I don’t really know what’s next
But I ain’t even trippin’, I’mma chill and sit back
And I know they will be coming from the right and the left, left, left

I just seriously like the vibe of this song! One of her bests.

Track 8: Leave Me Lonely (ft Macy Gray)

Is it love when so easily said goodbye?
Is it love when we’ve given up before we tried?
Is it love when you stole my peace of mind?
Is it love when you cry, cry and cry?

This song is on a league of its own, I’m telling you. So powerful. It’s also a great comeback for Macy, if you’d ask me.

Track 7: Greedy

Greedy |You know that I’m greedy for love

It’s just so much fun!


Track 9: Everyday (ft Future)

Anytime, anywhere, baby boy, I can misbehave
Breathe me in, breathe me out, fill me up
Running through your veins

Track 13: Touch It

Cause every time I’m with you, I go into a zone
And I remember all the places you wanna go
Take me all the way

Track 15: Thinking Bout You

Oh, I don’t have you here with me
But at least I have the memory
I tried to make it through the night
But I can’t control my mind

Listen to the rest of the album here:



Tuesday, May 17, 2016



It was just a normal day; you’re doing whatever the hands of fate have strung your way, and asked you to do.

It was a normal day—and it still is, but you couldn’t get that photo out of your head. That photo that a certain website reminded you of; a photo of years gone by, spent with people you no longer talk to.

You wonder how he’s doing—that old friend who had your back and nursed your wounds years ago, back when you were spiraling out of control. That friend who was there for you when you felt you had no one else—even if you actually had. Well, it didn’t matter, because he was the best of the rest of them. Head on his shoulders, your hand in his—you felt like everything was possible. That if someone could feel safe and secure, it was within his arms, and with his heart.

You remember car rides with him, your hair flowing in the wind; wondering how it would be like to watch fireworks in one of those overlooking spots; wondering how life would be like a year on; wondering—just wondering. And yet, it was enough.

You wonder how it all ended, or if it even really began in the first place. You wonder whether all those words meant something, or if they were just in passing. You remembered holding on to his arms, knowing he’d keep you safe from the firecrackers you were so scared of. You remembered the laughter; you remembered the tears—especially that time when you broke down under flickering lights, and the harsh fall of raindrops; each drop leaving a scar in your heart. You remembered all those times you’d talk about dreams and nightmares; broken hearts and broken promises. It was all so easy. It was all so fine.

You wonder how it stopped—because you wouldn’t be thinking of this now if it went on, and on, and on—like the other things in your life. You wonder who stopped talking to whom first; who didn’t reciprocate the messages. You remember how hurt you were. You remember all the questions you asked.

Years later, you no longer wonder why. Yet, you couldn’t help but wish that he stayed—that whatever you had stayed. Because you’re so used to loss—you’ve had it all your life. But whenever you see old photos of that time, and whenever you think of him—that person who had your back once upon a time, and who was so good to you, you found hope again—you couldn’t help but feel this strange stinging sensation in your heart. You couldn’t help but feel sad. You couldn’t help but wonder.


Wednesday, May 4, 2016

#FaeriesFavoriteMovies: 13 Going on 30


Hi, everyone! Decided to put up a new topic on the blog, and well, in this space, I’d just be talking about my favorite movies (aka an excuse to blog about Mark Ruffalo…I KID. Ok, only half-kidding lmao) and share my favorite quotes, scenes, songs, and everything else from them.

First up is one of my favorite movies of all time: 13 Going on 30

So this movie was released in 2004, if I’m not mistaken, and the first time I saw it was when I was such a troubled teen (eek) and since then, it has remained as one of my most beloved films.


Matty and Jenna looking so cute! (Trivia: Young Jenna was played by Christa B. Allen–aka Charlotte on “Revenge”)

So, it’s the story of Jenna Rink, this 13 year old awkward teen who wished to be 30 (THIRTY AND FLIRTY AND THRIVING!!!) and well, one day, she woke up and got her wish…but of course, there are consequences.

  1. She could not remember anything about her life
  2. She’s successful, but then she realized that she’s actually mean and messy and well, you know how we messed-up adults are
  3. She’s no longer friends with her best friend, Matt–and her friends now are all phony😦

Love is a battlefield

So, one day, she looks for Matt–who’s now a grown-up Mark Ruffalo, and just tries to learn about her life more. She got everything she wanted–but then it just made her feel like nothing. And how many times have we felt that way in our lives, right?

She grows close to Matt again–and they share many great experiences together, even redesigning her magazine!

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We have to remember what used to be good. If we don’t, we won’t be able to realize it–even if it hits us between the eyes.

Of course, there’s a catch: Matt is getting married *sobs* and Jenna is still such a mess–leading to my favorite song of all time, Billy Joel’s “Vienna”–watch/listen to it below:

And then there’s this…

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You probably already know what happened, but if you don’t…Well, let’s just say it’s not the most logical movie (LOL) but it’s just so good and heartwarming and perfect.


“You don’t always get the dream house. But sometimes, you get pretty close.”

Well, Jenna got her dream house, of course, but the thing about this movie is that it really just warms your heart–and reminds you to go, chase for your dreams–and make sure those are what’s actually in your heart.

And you know, sometimes, we fall down—down, down, down–but sooner or later, we’ll get up…and find our place in this world.

Soundtrack Favorites:

  1. Billy Joel-Vienna
  2. Liz Phair-Why Can’t I
  3. Pat Benatar-Love is a Battlefield

That’s all for now! TTY soon! xx

Monday, May 2, 2016

Favorite Bookish Quotes Vol 1: One Last Thing Before I Go (Jonathan Tropper)


Today’s featured book: One Last Thing Before I Go by Jonathan Tropper

“Mistakes have been made. It’s hard to know where to start. Things have been a mess for many years that trying to pin down a starting point is like trying to figure out where your skin starts. All you can ever really know is that it’s wrapped around you, sometimes a little tighter than you’d like.”

“The thing about living alone is that it gives you a lot of time to think. You don’t necessarily reach any conclusions, because wisdom is largely a function of intelligence and self-awareness, not time on your hands. But you do become very good at thinking yourself into endless loops of desperation in half the time it would take a normal person.”

“We’re all clichés, all following scripts that have been written and played out long before we landed the role.”

“The only thing worse than not having your dream come true is having it come true for a little while.”

“And ice-cream cones,’ she says. ‘What is it with you and ice-cream cones?’

He licks around the edge of his cone as he considers the question. ‘I guess no one ever eats an ice-cream cone at a funeral, or a fire. The Red Cross doesn’t drop ice-cream cones into third-world countries. If you’re eating an ice-cream cone, it’s just very hard to believe that things have gone completely to shit. That there isn’t still hope.”

“It’s hard to imagine your heart simply stopping, but at the same time, it’s hard to believe that it didn’t give up years ago.”

“This was his childhood, safe and warm and brightly lit, and being here now makes him feel like he died years ago and he’s now a lost spirit, stuck between worlds with unfinished business.”



Some old, some new | Just the songs that are currently on repeat this week, for some reason…